Facing Realities
by saba.mumtaz
Summary: Peyton passes away after giving birth to her daughter, Anna. 2 years later, in a strange twist of fate, Brooke and Lucas agree to get married in name only. What happens when the time comes to end the farce? What truths may the two characters have to face?


**Facing Realities**

"Compliments of the gentlemen over there", Replacing empty glass, the bartender gestured to a table behind me.

I looked over to the table he had pointed out. Two guys sitting there raised their glasses in invitation, clearly asking me to join them at their table.

Thinking it over for a couple of seconds, I decided against it. Putting up my left hand, I pretended to finger a ring that wasn't there. The guys smiled , waving good naturedly before returning to their drinks.

Just then, Haley slipped into the seat right next to me at the bar.

"Hey stranger! Where have _you_ been?" She asked, placing her purse on the seat and trying to attract the attention of the bartender.

"Hey you! I've been… around. Where's Nathan? I asked, glad for the unexpected company.

Haley grinned. "Oh, out with Jamie somewhere. I told the boys I needed some alone time. I mean, I love the two of them to death but sometimes, a girl just needs a break." Taking out her cell phone to put it on vibrate, she turned towards me. "So, previous question, where _have_ you been? I called you at the office the other day. Your assistant said you told him you wouldn't be coming in for work for a couple of days. Is everything Ok?"

"Yeah. Everything's fine." I replied. "Anna's just been a little under the weather the past few days so I took some time off work".

In the midst of checking her phone, Haley quickly looked up. "What? Is she okay?"

"Oh yeah." I rushed to reassure her. "Everything's fine now. I just wanted to spend some time with her since, you know, now that Lucas is better. I just….." I trailed off midsentence, not quite sure myself what it was that put me in such a melancholy mood.

"Hey… what's going on?" Haley asked, her voice laced with concern. Clearly, I had set off her protective instincts.

"I don't know." I replied wearily. "I care about Lucas, you know that. And I couldn't be happier that he's going to be alright. He's a friend and I don't think I could've survived losing another one of those." I was trying to find the right words to explain but it was proving to be more difficult than I'd thought. "But it's just that... now that he's okay, things are going to go back to normal. Anna's going to go back home and ...I guess i'm just having a little trouble adjusting to that."

"So you sitting here by yourself, brooding, this is about Anna?" Haley asked, taking a sip of her drink and looking over at me questioningly.

I sighed. "Of course it's about Anna. And I'm NOT brooding. I'm reflecting, that's different," I smiled sideways at her. "I'm just really going to miss her. She's...she's beautiful, Haley. And she looks so much like Peyton... I don't even know why but somewhere along the way I started believing it was always going to be like this. Stupid, I know, so don't say it." I said warningly.

Haley smiled. "Wasn't going to."

I paused for a breath, looking for the right words. "I would dream that I would watch her grow up, take her first steps, try on makeup, maybe get excited about a boy on her first date...just… everything."

Haley put a comforting arm around my shoulders. "Brooke...all that will still happen. You're her Godmother, besides being Luke's friend. What _you_ did for him, I don't know if even _I _could've done that!"

"Marry him so that in case he dies during emergency surgery, Anna doesn't have to go into foster care? I guess not. Only because Nathan would've killed him already," We smiled at each other, even as a new thought struck me. "Then _you_ would get arrested for bigamy and I, who would've spent all that time getting my adoption papers ready, would be assigned as Anna's legal guardian anyway." I turned towards Haley, pretending to be excited. "Hey wait a minute, that _does_ sound like plan! How come you never suggested it before?"

Haley punched my arm playfully. "Because I have never been able to carry off jumpsuits. And prison orange would've made me look fat". We both laughed at that but Haley soon turned serious.

"Luke would want you to be a part of all those things in Anna's life. You think _that _guy knows anything about makeup? Who do you think that little girl is going to turn to when she needs fashion advice?! You'll always be a part of Anna's life, fake married to Lucas or not."

I nodded absentmindedly. Talking about this was doing nothing to make me feel better. Put like that, all my fears felt so trivial. Suddenly feeling suffocated, I realized I just didn't want to talk about it anymore.

I sat up straighter and picked up my glass. "You know what, you're right. I'm just a little out of sorts right now." Resolutely taking a deep breath, I continued, "But I'm going to be fine, I promise. I'm Brooke Davis, after all. So, Let's not spoil your night out."

"Speaking of which," Haley looked over at me prospectively, "that may be exactly what you need. A night out with a great friend. And quite possibly a distraction. I'm here, so that takes care of the first. As for the second," Haley discreetly nodded at something behind me, "those guys over there. What was wrong with them?"

I glanced back over my shoulder at the guys who'd previously sent over a drink. "Them? What do you mean?"

"I mean, why'd you turn down their drinks?" Haley enquired with exaggerated patience.

I grimaced. "You saw that?"

"Yup. The whole thing. Including the part where you pretended to be married."

I shrugged, tossing back the last of my drink. "I wasn't pretending. I _am_ married."

"_Only _legally." Haley interjected.

"Still counts." I said, not quite meeting her eyes.

"Brooke. Brooke. Brooke." Haley shook her head and for a second seemed to hesitate. Then, as coming to a decision, continued resolutely. "You cant take this the wrong way because you _know _how much I love Anna, so i'm just going to say it" She said. "You, sweetheart, need to start living your _own_ life, preferably one that doesn't revolve around Anna…or Luke for that matter."

Tracing a pattern on my now empty glass, I felt that familiar feeling of exhaustion creeping over me. Haley and I must have had this conversation a dozen times already. And if history were to repeat itself, it wasn't going end well.

This time it felt different though. Now that it might end soon, I found myself compelled to justify myself.

"I just, I dont really want to live a lie, Haley," I said, "Ever since I signed those damn marriage papers, every time I go out, I feel like a fraud." Suddenly it was important for Haley to understand. For anyone to understand. "First guy I meet, I feel like I should tell him that I'm married, but that its only for show so I could take care of my godchild who is my best friend's daughter who passed away 2 years ago." I knew I was rambling but once I'd started, I seemed incapable of stopping. "Oh and that my marriage would be ending soon because my friend's husband's heart surgery was successful and he probably doesn't need me anymore." I smiled bitterly, even as an invisible pain clenched around my heart. "Pretty heavy stuff for a first date, wouldn't you say"

A hint of a smile, albeit a sad one, crossed Haley's face. "For the first one, maybe. For the second, I'd say it's a nice way to break the ice." She became somber quickly. "Brooke, honey, Lucas will _always_ need you. Maybe the marriage will end but that's just a lie anyway." At this, Haley paused for a bit, carefully considering her next words. "This isn't about Luke is it?"

"What is?" I asked, momentarily confused.

Haley gave me a look. "Your reluctance to meet someone! Your concern about Anna being taken away, about things going back to how they were before you married Luke!"

I blinked, blindsided by the sudden turn of conversation. "That's not fair Haley. I don't deserve that! My concern for Anna has nothing to do with Luke. I love her, and YOU know that!"

"I do" Haley said, shifting slightly in her seat to look at me. "But do you also love Luke?" She asked slowly.

It was rather warm inside the bar. Maybe that's why it was becoming increasingly difficult for me to breathe. "Ofcourse I do."

But Haley shook her head. "Come on, Brooke. We both know that's not what I meant."

"Stop. Just stop." I said harshly, moving to gather up my things. "Lucas was married to Peyton. My best friend."

"That's not really an answer. He was Peyton's husband and now he's yours". Haley replied, searching my eyes for an answer. Suddenly I was afraid of what she might find in them. Looking away, I gathered up my things and motioned to the bartender for my cheque. Face averted, I said, "You and I both know that's not for real."

Haley still hadn't turned away. "Yes, you know that. Question is, do you believe it?"

"Yes!" I replied fiercely. "I'm not a child, Haley. Even though Peyton's gone, it doesn't change anything." I needed to leave before my voice broke down. "This marriage was for Anna's sake. It wasn't real. And you're right, the sooner we end it, the better it is for everyone." With that, I stood and started to walk away. I'd only taken a couple of steps before I heard Haley ask quietly, "For everyone, or for you?"

Eyes closed, I stood rooted to the floor for a few seconds. Then, without a backward glance, I walked out of the bar.


End file.
